Harry Potter and the Scribbler's Revenge
by The Unread Shelfer
Summary: A fun read ( Not to offend anyone)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note-** _This was **not** written __to offend anyone. It's just for fun on some prejudices **I** dont like. I am not speaking for anyone except myself. This is NOT here to offend anyone._

 _This is nothing I have ever written before. I just wrote it because I got bored of writing **Aftermath** (or __IIam just t stuck on some chapter)_ _and_ _I had a lot of frustrations on some random pairings or prejudices written in fanfiction's. So I just wrote something on that. Don't like, Don't Read._

 _Toodles!_

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Harry had a great day, sun was shining in the sky today and we could see birds chirping. He strolled down some random corridor as he was going to find Ron and Hermione to go on some new adventure that was written for him. He was at Hogwarts, seventh floor and there came Ron out of nowhere.

"Hey, Harry! I thought you're calling me," he said cheerfully.

"Oh yeah I was thinking about you, do you know with who I am paired today?" Harry asked. Ron became thoughtful.

"Hm... aren't you paired with Ginny already and have three children?"

"That's Canon, this is AU. I was paired with Daphne yesterday and at times Voldemort too," Harry chuckled.

"Ohh.." Ron nodded.

"Hm...hey? Aren't you supposed to jump everytime I say Voldemort?" Harry asked, confused.

"Oh right!" said Ron then jumped with a fearful expression," oh Harry! you know better then to take his name in front of me!"

"Yeah like that!" Harry pointed out, triumphantly. Ron calmed down and smiled then frowned.

"Didn't I started calling Voldy-goldy by his name during the seventh book?" Ron asked, confused again.

"Yeah, but writer's don't like you much. So you usually are a coward who leaves us in the middle of the war and run away or something like that," Harry waved his hand. Ron's frown deepened.

"But what did I do?" He asked.

"I don't know really. Maybe they don't like your humor or that you are a little normal than us," Harry said thoughtfully.

"Ohhhhh!" Ron realized,"well..." He shrugged,"I was great in the real books, wasn't I?"

Harry grinned, "Yeah-" but before he could complete the sentence Hermione came running from another random corridor that appeared out of nowhere.

"Harry! Harry! Harry! You were supposed to have bondage sex with Snape today!" She said frantically. Ron panicked.

"Hermione! This is K+, he can't have sex in this!"

" Yeah, and I happen to have a relationship with Bellatrix these days," Harry said calmly. Hermione stopped.

"Oh oh! Sorry. I get confused, you are paired with so many.." Hermione whined.

"Why are you whining? Hermione never whined," Ron frowned.

"Yeah well, I go out of character a lot and then break up with you and run away with Harry or Draco or Snape bla bla," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"But you were my wife!" Ron pointed out.

"No one cares! Oh look, Draco! Hi Draco," Hermione waved at Draco who was coming their way looking very arrogant.

"Why are you waving at me Mudblood!" He sneered.

"Because you are beaten by your dad and I sympathize with you no matter how much of a idiot you are," Hermione tutted.

"Oh, no. That's a rumor from Hurt/ comfort/angst/ romance/ mystery. This is Drama/ humor, No romance." Draco pointed out. " So who you got today?"

" Bellatrix" Harry cringed. Malfoy scrunched his nose in disgust.

"I am supposed to...be with professor lupin..." Hermione narrowed her eyes at no one in particular.

"Isn't he with Tonks?" Asked Ron.

" AU, Ron" Harry remarked.

"Argh, and me.?...oh I become a git and was sidelined again," Ron said nonchalantly.

"Aren't you supposed to be a attention seeker?" Draco asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah... according to these guys" Ron looked around possibly wondering who was writing him today. "Even Voldemort doesn't puts nose In my business that much. And that's saying literally" Ron snorted.

"Hah" Draco gasped, "you said his name and didn't jump three feet."

"Oh, I forgot " Ron said sheepishly then jumped and screamed, "oh my Gerlin! oh my Gerlin!" He started waving his hands dramatically.

"Tut-tut, Merlin Ron! " Hermione corrected.

Ron stopped mid -rant,"oh, yeah. Someone who is writing me should have forgotten,"he shrugged then started screaming,"Merlin! Merlin!"

"Oh, now you run and leave us!" Harry told him.

"Sure, I was hungry anyway" said Ron stopping himself "oi, draco. Move a little. Apparently, I run like a hippogriff in this."

"Hey, aren't we the Golden trio?" Harry asked, "and Ron is my best friend?"

"That's in the books apparently writers think that Ron isn't good enough," Hermione huffed. Ron keeps jumping on both of his legs.

That's when Snape's comes from some random way, sneering ( apparently that's all he does) " Potter! You were supposed to be in love with me!" also no one cares if he was in love with Harry's mother once.

"But I am with Bellatrix too, where should I go?" Harry snapped,"oh god! no one understands me! No one! I have so much pressure!"

"Oh no," Snape rolled his eyes

"Here he comes," Hermione sighed.

"Hey! If I am not having sex with any of you and I haven't become randomly sexy or Gay. Why am I here?" Draco frowned.

"To make me jealous or something?" Harry asked suddenly confused as if he had never snapped. Ron meanwhile was still screaming in the background since no one had let him go.

"Oh yeah..." Draco said thoughtfully. That's when a random slutty girl comes out of nowhere.

"Draco we are supposed to have sex so he,"she pointed at Harry, "could catch us and develop feeling's for you."

"Oh,"Draco said,"sure, let's go,"and they exit.

"Hey, should I run or you two are going to re establish the golden trio?" Ron asked stopping his screaming.

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 ** _A/N-_** _You can even tell in_ _the reviews what you find frustrating, I will try to put them in a chapter. Though I am not sure if I will continue it. But I will try :)_


	2. MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA

Dark Harry and Voldemort are standing on top of a mountain as wild sea waves try to crush them.

" it's not Hee-hee-hee, Harry, it's MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA" Voldemort said irritated. Harry flushed.

"Sorry, I haven't done this before you know. With what I spent my whole life going against you... I had to go whole one eighty degree you know" Harry frowned " now if you could have just done this early...I wouldn't have to waste so much time"

" I am sorry, my once mortal enemy" sensitive Voldemort shook his head. " My author had just turned me into a caring being whose dream was to protect his son, so you know..." He shrugged.

"Yeah, mine just turned me dark. She thought it will be a interesting plotline, don't you think?"

Suddenly Dumbledore Apparite's out of nowhere. " Harry, what are you doing here? You had your OWL's today by the way nice socks, ten points to Gryffindor"( because Dumbledore just gives Harry points on anything)

" Hey Dumblebee" caring Voldemort waved.

"And what are you doing here? Didn't you had to dominate the world?" asked Dumbledore then shook his head and muttered something about ' young people, not doing duties'

" No, the Author says Harry is my secret son so I love him" Sensitive Voldemort passes a loving look to Harry at which Harry smiles. "But you don't know it Harry, okay?"

Harry nods as a good boy.

Dumbledore raised a eyebrow " but you murdered James And Lily..."

"They were never his parents, there was some mad twist in here and he is my son now"

" So who is going to full fill the prophecy?" Maniac Dumbledore asks waving his hands like a idiot.

Harry smiles sheepishly " sorry"

"Hey!" Voldemort interjects " you are supposed to be cocky and full of yourself."

Harry frowned " right, thanks," he turns to Dumbledore and points his finger at Dumbledore" why don't you understand me you old coot?"

"Tut-tut, language" Parent Voldemort says.

" Yeah right, sorry new secret dad who I don't know is my dad" Harry winced " you mind ya horses, ya old man"

" That's gangster Harry not Dark, oh what have I taught you?" Voldemort frowned.

"Right!" Harry facepalms " No one understands me ! No one!"

" That's also-" Voldemort shook his head, disappointed.

"Will you just do it? I have to award more points to Gryffindor or twinkle a little you know," Dumbledore waved his wand and a orchestra appeared in mid air playing creepy music.

"Yeah..this is a bit of Deja vu " Harry rubs his forehead nervously. " Last I came here to destroy you"

Dumbledore smiled " right, sorry, new mortal enemy" and then waved for the orchestra to go away while they kept mumbling 'silly old coot, not paying money'

"Okay so how was it? Yeah" Harry asks himself " Listen Dumbledore, I could destroy you like that. I am the choosen one. You don't stand a chance against me" he then proceed's to laugh evily.

Dumbledore blink's "what crazy writer dreamed this up?" He asks Voldemort.

Voldemort winced "no idea,some girl with longish hair...green eyes? "

Suddenly a portal opens behind Harry and Iron man comes in.

" You are harry Potter?" He asks. Harry nods.

" Look , I have no idea why I was sent here but you have to come with me to help me destroy a enemy in my world,"

" But I am in training right now and I have detention too " says Harry awkwardly.

And then suddenly Goku from Dragon ball comes out of nowhere " hey , you have to come with me to my planet to kill Majin boo who has gone mad"

"I.." Harry looks between iron man and Goku.

" Wait Harry, before you go I have to tell you something" sensitive Voldemort says quietly.

" Yes?" Harry asks innocently.

Sensitive Voldemort musters all his courage" I am your father"

"WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT-"

" It wasn't supposed to be that long" Iron man remarks.

" Sorry" Harry said.

" so anyone would like a lemon drop?" Dumbledore asks, eyes twinkling in full power.

* * *

 ** _A/N- I just find it really funny that Dumbledore Keeps twinkling. He is a Human, he can't be Happy all the time! And then these Voldemort x Harry Slash or Voldemort Harry's father. I find these stories very irritating and then there are pointless crossovers with no meaning. Seriously Harry Potter and Pokemon? Huh? Huh?_**


	3. Harry Potter

_**A/N-** for the guest who_ _reviewed last. No, dear. He/ she is not an idiot. They have freedom of speech and everyone has different opinions. We have one too. All you can do is defend your argument and I did. If you want to you can just make a A/c and pm her and she will reply I am sure. So let's not go eating each other's head. :)_

 _I guess I had this story finished but then I saw this writer writing a fic about Harry Potter characters writing letters to Fanfiction. It was funny. I wanted to do it in my own way. This will be completely different from her except the writing letters idea. I will be writing about every character once in their own POV. I wanted to create another fic but then I thought why should I create more when I have already one going on. Anyway, just tell me if you like it?_

 _You can request for characters too._

 ** _Warning-_** _will offend you if you are a certain shipper except the original pairings. consider yourself warned._

 _ **Harry-** Italic._

 _ **Albus-** Italic underlined._

 ** _james-_ Bold.**

 _ **Lily-**_ Normal.

 _ **Ron-**_ **Bold** **underlined .**

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 _ **Harry**_ ** _Potter._**

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 _Dear fanfictioner's,_

 _Do you know how it feels to be chased by millions of girls? Do enlighten me since I have no idea because my fans think I'M GAY!_

 _I am NOT gay. Not that I don't support LGBT, but I am not gay. Not with Draco, not with Voldemort and definitely not with Snape. I am a Human not a whore. I mean seriously , how would you feel if people started pairing you with your mortal enemy? Or your classmates/ year Mates? Or Teacher's? That too same gender...I mean females one are okay... Lets not make Ginny read this.._

 _Think about it this way, I am MARRIED! And I have three kids. I mean, are you trying to say that I would leave Ginny, one of the prettiest witch ever, lead Chaser for Harpies, to go have an affair with one of my male colleagues? Seriously?_

 _Ok, let's see it from a fan-girl point of view: OMG! There's Harry! And there's Snape! Oh look! They are angry at each other and giving each other glares. Let's completely ignore the fact that they've fought on another thing and go write sappy stories about them! And if that doesn't work, let's turn one of them in time. Yay!_

 _Seriously?_

 _I need everyone to understand that I am happily married and do not wish to ruin my marriage. Nor do I support pedophilia._

 _I don't think that being friends with a once mortal enemy means I have something for him. If thats the problem then bye bye Draco. I was only comforting the dude after he went all emo and his child was lost in time. Do you let your friend stay suicidal? I hope not. But if you wish, then I shall most probably break all contact with Draco. Cheers!_

 _As for Voldemort, I don't know why you think I would be interested in him. He has a weird face and he doesn't even has a nose._

 _He Didn't had a nose? How did he breath Dad? I will have to ask Hermione of these breathing Laws again!_

 **But that's so cool! Al, you nerd. Dad I find it very cool. Imagine if you didn't had a nose! Harry Potter the-boy-without- nose! Another title for Skeeter to exploit.**

 _Go away! Jamie ! Al! Go disturb mum._

 _Sorry for the interruptions, where was I? Oh right, I mean seriously Ginny vs Voldemort? You would choose Voldemort? He also destroyed my school. And although I might have forgiven him as the better person, it doesn't mean I'll date him! I mean think about it-do you really think that I would betray everyone I love to go and love a guy who had the nerve to kill my friends, parents, Godfather's, teachers. Although, due to him, we didn't had to give exams one year. Hmm…._

 _Let's make one more thing perfectly clear; I am NOT in love with Ron. He saved my life and I respect that. But not to the point that I snog him every chance I get! Why does this always happen to me?_

 **You are the boy who lived Dad, that's why.**

 _Mum says we should help you write. So hello, ffners'. Al here, that idiot in bold is Jamie. We are the proof our dad is straight. Do you know anything about biology?_

 **So boring Al, I say you keep going. There are so many stories! Mum would have a field day. I can see dad doing the weird shuddering thing already when Mum goes mad. ( His whole body jerks and he makes funny noises, its very funny!")**

 _Don't use a protean charm! Oh if I could just find you! You just wait. Grounded for life._

Dad has gone mad, hasn't he?

 **Don't worry, flower. You have a cool brother. Al can play the serious angry dad role if dad goes mad.**

 _I will advise you to shut up, James. No dad isn't mad Lily. He is uh... frustrated? Yeah, right. Frustrated._

 _Some kids I have... Anyway, do I even need to mention the others you people seem to think I'm in love with? I must be the biggest slut of the world by this time! Sheesh, there's Ginny. She loves me so much why are you ignoring her and pairing me up with guys?_

 **Because dad that creates a interesting plotline.**

 _Jamie is correct in some point.._

 **Seeee!**

 _But it doesn't mean that dad being portrayed as a slut is any good._

 **Language Al.**

 _Like I didn't learned everything from you._

 _You are grounded for whole summer._

 **Daddy!**

 _No, not gonna work Jam_ es _._

 _We could always tell mum about the first few paragraphs..._

 **Tee-hee-hee-hee..**

 _Fine! Now move!_

 **Bye bye fanfictioner's, don't listen to dad, keep writing. Especially on me " wink wink"**

Dont listen to that idiot. There is Fiction press if you want to write more but don't use dad ( though he wont do anything) but Dad and Voldemort? ...argh...

 _Why, thank you lily. So am I clear? Am I clear? Huh?_

 _Thank you._

 **Cant believe you wrote such** **long letters still, been ages. Hey, what's this about Gin...?**

 _Not you too, Ron!_

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 _Was it good?_


End file.
